Tango Lessons

So, here´s the summary of my survey.

Of course this summary is not representative according to scientific standards, but essentially everything has been mentioned here, what I heard from ladies during my entire tango life.

So what is important for all ladies

1. Neat appearance and personal hygiene
2. Respect for the dance partner (this includes, of course, already point 1)
   
3. Empathy
4. To be connected with the dance partner
5. To not understand the lady as a “dance sport device”
6. Musical dancing
7. No lecturing on the dance floor to “explain to the lady how to do it”
8. Humour
9. Give the dance partner the feeling of security so that she can trust the guidance / invitations of the leader
10. Friendliness
11. Courtesy / good behavior
12. No showing of the repertoire of figures, which one masters (more or less), no matter whether the lady is able or willing to perform it.
    
13. Passion / Energy (but you should fine-tune.) Ladies do not want to be dragged back and forth by a dancer, nor is it fun to dance with a juiceless wuss.
    

Of course, some of these things overlap.

Many interesting things have been addressed by the ladies.

But it is also interesting what was not addressed / desired at all.

Among all the things that ladies expect from their dance partners, one is “missing” completely. And probably that will astonish many dancers.

Not a single lady wished that the gentlemen make more steps, figures,  sequences.

Apparently that’s not important to the vast majority of ladies.

This is interesting because most tango dancers I talk to believe that they need to know and perform as many figures as possible in order to make the dance interesting for the ladies.

I also know that many gentlemen stress themselves just because of that, and do not feel really good and complete as dancers when they know only a few “figures”.

All I can say about that: Forget it!

If you really need proof that figures are comparatively unimportant for the ladies, read, What do you expect from the men you dance with.

Every now and then the following happens to me.

At a milonga or a tango ball, I try to invite a lady in the traditional way with “Mirada and Cabeceo” meaning with eye contact.

If I do not look away immediately, she gets even more tensed up.

Her attitude and facial expression say in big letters “WHY IS HE STARING AT ME…?”

No chance! This lady is busy and certainly does not want to dance with me now …

Of course it may be that this lady simply does not want to dance this tanda with me.

However, a lady who knows “Mirada and Cabeceo”, the game of inviting with eye contact, usually does not look cramped towards the floor, but just turns her head slightly, or signals by eye contact that she does not want to dance with me (at least not at the moment), – kind of a friendly, relaxed “no thanks” or “not now”.

By now, I know from experience that many dancers still do not know the reciprocal invitation to dance with “Mirada and Cabeceo”, because in their tango school it has been never told that it exists, let alone be practiced, how it works.

And as I notice again and again, unfortunately many ladies also do not have the self-confidence to seek eye contact, actively, to find their favorite dancer, to flirt a bit and to arrange to dance with him without words.

The problem with this: Hardly anybody asks them to dance, because traditionally in Argentine Tango someone who is not actively looking for a dance partner, shows that he or she does not want to dance

Only through eye contact does the lady give the gentleman the opportunity, or, if you like, the permission to ask her.

So if a lady always lowers her eyes when a man looks at her more intensely, she signals whether she wants it or not, that she does not feel like dancing.

Of course, this does not attract any dancer. The frustration is inevitable.

…but maybe this lady does…

So ladies, have more confidence!

Show that you do not need to hide. Fear not, but return the glances of the men (At least in the milonga, this is part of the game and is perfectly fine).

Take an active part in the game of “Mirada and Cabeceo”, instead of waiting passively and hoping (in vain) that maybe someday a dancer will come and invite you.

Your chances of getting nice dances will increase enormously.

By the way, there comes to my mind another practical obstacle that may occur. Every now and then I am told by ladies that they have not seen my invitation by eye contact without their glasses.

Well, with the rather subtle lighting in most milongas that can be a problem.

But in this case applies: Leave your glasses on. At least until you find your dance partner, and the dance begins.

You might also like be interested in these articles.

Is there a foolproof way to avoid a "no", inviting someone to dance?

Good old Mirada and good old Cabeceo

Those who danced tango in Munich in the mid-90s can certainly remember Metin Yazir’s Tango exercise evenings at the German-Turkish meeting center in Hermann-Lingg-Street. I too was there regularly.

One evening, just taking a break from dancing, cooling myself with a fresh wheat beer and watching the people, a tall, elegant, pretty attractive blonde came into the ballroom and sat down two tables away from me on the other side of the narrow corridor leading to the Dance floor.

I waited for her to drop her things and order something to drink. She noticed that I was looking at her, returned my gaze, perhaps a little mockingly amused, but not unfriendly. She appealed to me. So I went to her and asked her to dance.

We danced one tanda, maybe even two…

About a week later, Metin organized an afternoon milonga in the “Möwe” – “Seagull,” a restaurant that has long been gone. There was announced a little show with dancers of “Tango Passion”, who happened to have a guest appearance in Munich, at that time.

Of course, I also went to this milonga and met there again the same tall, blonde tango dancer – Annette.

We started talking, a bit longer than the first time, and the whole thing ended with me drawing and explaining my artistic ideas on beer mats and napkins.

She listened patiently, with signs of polite interest, we danced more than one Tanda together and exchanged our phone numbers.

Later she told me she had not really understood what I had been explaining her, about fragile, translucent sculptures…

Later she told me that she had not really understood what I had been explaining, about fragile, translucent sculptures, sculptures with breaking points, and so on and so fort… but, somehow, I probably had not left the worst impression.

We then met more often at different milongas, attended courses together with Metin and Gustavo Naveira (organised by Metin).

But it still us took half a year to become a couple and another two years to get married.

Of course, Metin’s practicas and milongas are always well-remembered, and if anyone asks us today how we met, we usually say, “It´s Metin’s fault.”

It´s Metin´s fault! It happened during a practica…

P.S. If you are curious to now what I did tell Annette about my art, you can see it here without beer mats and napkins on my artist´s website

http://www.atelier-wolfgangsandt.de/en/home.html

Last minute offer for tango classes in September and October at Villa La Rogaia.

Fall is beautiful in the Umbrian hills. Come to Italy to enjoy a relaxing holiday, intensive tango classes in small groups, authentic Italian countryside food and Dolce Vita!

Unfortunately two couples of tango dancers who had enrolled in tango classes at Villa La Rogaia had to cancel their holidays.

Therefore Villa La Rogaia offers a Last Minute price for these classes.

To see the Last Minute offers Click Here